Peer Active Listeners
Mauritania's Volunteer Support Network
Peer helping is especially important to Peace Corps Mauritania volunteers because these adults are living and working under circumstances which are often demanding and stressful. Volunteers are living in a new culture, speaking a new language, eating new foods and adjusting to other conditions which are often physically and emotionally taxing. As a result , a significant number of volunteers suffer from loneliness, frustration, homesickness and culture shock, not to mention common physical ailments such as skin rashes, and diarrhea. When volunteers are suffering, they often need someone to talk to, someone who will listen and take a genuine interest in their problems, complaints, conflicts, etc. Volunteers most often turn to another volunteer whom they trust and who understands their situation. If the fellow volunteer does a good job of “peer helping,” the benefits can be significant. Peer helping can reduce the chances that a problem becomes more serious.
Through the PALS Mauritania program, it is hoped that PCV's will feel more supported and in general more comfortable throughout their service and especially in crisis situations. It is hoped that PAL training will provide some insight on how to listen more effectively and how to empower another volunteer to make decisions and pursue a course of action in agreement with their own wishes.
Fortunately, most volunteers do a good job of peer helping. But when trained in basic techniques and approaches, they can do an even better job. Training therefore prepares them to accept this role and to carry it out as effectively as they can.
What peer helping is:
- Listening actively to a peer who seeks our help with a problem, conflict.
- Showing the peer empathy and understanding.
- Helping a peer to clarify thoughts and feelings.
- Helping a peer to consider options, decisions and solutions.
What peer helping is not:
- Acting as a professional counselor.
- Taking responsibility for the other person.
- Giving personal advice.
- Providing solutions, answers or reminders.
- Providing unlimited time and/or effort to the person.
All of us think we're pretty good listeners, but the fact is we're not so good. Listening is one of those human activities that appears simple when, in fact, it's actually complex. There's a lot to it.
Proper listening is challenging because it requires self-discipline, concentration and an ability to follow the other person's train of thought. To listen actively, we often have to hide our strong reactions, withhold our opinions, and have faith in the other person's ability to deal properly with life's difficulties.
Some key elements of peer helping
- Giving the other person one's undivided attention.
- Withholding judgment of the person's views, attitudes and behavior.
- Refraining from giving personal advice.
- Refraining from accepting responsibility for the person.
- Setting boundaries to the peer helping.
- Admitting to one's peer, when necessary, that you are uncomfortable with certain topics, problems, etc. Recommending another peer helper.
Specific peer helping strategies
- Peer helpers should be careful not to "stop" the dialogue by
- Minimizing or trivializing
- Sharing similar experiences
- Over generalizing the problem or issue
- Criticizing persons or groups under discussion
- Moralizing or sermonizing
- Expressing judgment
- Overreacting
- Giving advice
- Providing answers or solutions
- Peers should promote a peer's free expression by
- Expressing empathy
- Accepting periods of silence.
- Paraphrasing and restating
- Expressing appropriate reassurance
- Keeping the focus on the peer and her needs
- Asking questions that help clarify the problem or conflict
- Giving the other person undivided attention
Confidentiality Issues
- Peer helping includes an implicit understanding that all conversations are confidential.
- Volunteers should avoid gossip since it undermines peer helping.
- Peace Corps officials should be contacted if the welfare of a peer or of people around the peer are endangered.
What is Peer Helping?
How would you explain the following statement--which expresses the guiding philosophy of peer helping?
In peer helping, the other person, the person seeking help, is in charge.
What is it you can offer the other person in peer helping?
What is it you cannot offer the other person in peer helping?
Let me tell you what happened to me!
Jean: So there we were at the "Casablanca" dancing all night. I had danced with this one guy several times and he seemed normal but then all of the sudden he grabbed my butt and tried to kiss me. I was sort of drunk and pushed him away but it was weird. I felt really embarrassed and surprised he did that so unexpectantly. I couldn't believe it.
Sylvia: I know that feeling because once when I was on a first date with this guy and he just kissed me outta nowhere, in the middle of the line we were waiting in to buy tickets for a movie. It was totally inappropriate and I didn't think it was romantic at all. I just felt weird and didn't want to draw more attention to us by pushing him away in front of all those people so I just kept quiet and talked to him about it later, but it made me feel weird, too.
Why do you think normal, healthy adults so often end up interrupting the other person to talk about similar experiences?
- They want to increase the level of intimacy and believe that sharing similar experiences can do that well.
- They believe that by talking about a similar situation or experience, they are helping the other person feel "normal."
- They enjoy remembering personal experiences and relating them to another person.
- They are uncomfortable with the emotion expressed by the other person and talking about similar experiences reduces the intensity of the emotion for them.
Express empathy and ask a simple question to keep the peer talking.
- "Let me see If I've got this right..."
- "Sounds like you're saying..."
- "So In other words..."
- "Could you tell me what you mean when you said..."
- "So far you've said this..."
- "What was your reaction to that?"
- "Then, what happened?"
Paraphrase what the peer said to you, thereby encouraging her to continue speaking.
Why paraphrase?
- When you paraphrase what you think the other person has said, he or she can react to your paraphrase and tell you whether it is accurate or inaccurate.
- To clarify what the person has said. Hearing an accurate paraphrase of what they have just said helps peers clarify for themselves what they are thinking and feeling. Often a paraphrase will bring up new thoughts and feelings.
- To give accurate empathy. In effect, a good paraphrase demonstrates to the person that you are listening and that you understand. In effect, a good paraphrase says, "I am with you."
Silence
Why might a peer suddenly become silent?
- The person is lost in his or her thoughts.
- The person is rethinking what he or she has just said.
- The person is experiencing sadness, regret, etc.
- The person is confused and doesn't want to say something that's unclear.
- The person is mentally or emotionally tired and is taking a rest.
What can happen if you break the silence rather than allow it to happen naturally?
- The person may lose his or her train of thought.
- The person may lose the opportunity to get in contact with his or her feelings.
- Your words may confuse the person or take him or her completely off the topic.
- The person may feel your anxiety and begin trying to help you rather than vice-versa.
Contacting Peace Corps Officials
There are, of course, no fixed guidelines for making a decision about serious situations that endanger volunteers or people around them. Remember - the PC medical staff is here to help and available at all times!
- Suicidal talk or tendencies
- Serious talk of violence against another
- Health-threatening use of alcohol or drugs
- Involvement in illegal schemes or activities
- Impending harm to a volunteer (threats, attacks, etc.)
- Severe depression or anxiety
- Bizarre behavior
